Now the whole world had one language and a common speech....Then they said, "Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves and not be scattered over the face of the whole earth." But the Lord came down to see the city and the tower that the men were building. The Lord said, "If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other." So the Lord scattered them from there over all the earth, and they stopped building the city. That is why it was called Babel - because there the Lord confused the language of the whole world. Genesis 11:1, 4-9 (NIV)
I'm going to keep this short & sweet today, but I want to share two thoughts:
1) Obviously, there is nothing inherently wrong with constructing buildings or towers, but it was the motivation behind it that troubled God: their strong desire to make a name for themselves and their reliance on themselves, rather than on God.
When I read this, I had to do a little self-reflection. I don't know about you, but for me, too often I'm focused on what will help me look good and what will help me gain the approval of others. Even when I initially start out doing something with the pure intention of glorifying God, it is all too easy to lose my focus along the way. Ironically, it seems that it is often at the times that God is most blessing my endeavors, that pride kicks in and my focus quickly changes to myself. Hmm, I'm noticing a recurring theme in my life lately of the need to not only glorify God, but also to seek acceptance & self-worth from Him! (Click here to see related posts.)
Galations 1:10 says, "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Colossians 3:23 says this: Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. I Thessalonians 2:5 says, "....We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts." And finally, John 8:54 says, "Jesus replied, 'If I glorify myself, my glory means nothing....' " Wow! If even Jesus, who was God wrapped up in human form, didn't have the right to glorify himself, how much less do I? God, may I only seek to honor and please You! Please tear down any towers of pride in my life.
2) My second thought from this passage focuses on verse 6, which is where God states that if they are one people, speaking the same language, then nothing will be impossible for them. Although this isn't typically the lesson or sermon we hear concerning this message, this verse made me stop and think a minute about the importance of communication. So God is saying that if they can communicate purely, without any confusion or misunderstanding, that they can succeed in anything they do. What does that say about the importance of communication in our relationships? Our marriage? On the job? And of most importance, what about our communication with God? My prayer is that God gives me the wisdom to know how to best communicate with those around me. But more than that, I pray that my communication with God becomes all that it needs to be. And by the way,communication doesn't just involve speaking, it also involves listening!
Showing posts with label Perfectionism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Perfectionism. Show all posts
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Scripture Sunday: The Shame-Blame Game
Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as He was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, "Where are you?" He answered, "I heard you in the garden, & I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid." And He said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?" The man said, "The woman you put here with me - she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it." Then the Lord God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, & I ate." Gen. 3:8-12 (NIV)
When I read these verses, a couple things came to mind. First, it's interesting that earlier in scripture (Gen. 2:25), it states that Adam & Eve were both naked, but "felt no shame". However, the very second that they sinned, that they disobeyed God, they suddenly felt shame. That shame led them to hide (or separate) from God. Isn't that so true? When we know something is wrong, we tend to do our best to hide it, which in turn only hinders our relationships with God & others. Remember last week when I shared about being made in God's image & how our purpose is to be a reflection of God? Well, at the very instance mankind first sinned, that image was marred. And remember how God's will was for us to find complete security & acceptance through our relationship with Him? Well, at that same very instance, we not only became separated from God, but we began looking for our security in all the wrong places! After all, it's hard to find security in our relationship with God if we're shamefully hiding from Him!
This leads to my second point. When God questioned Adam, Adam not only blamed Eve, but in a round-about way, he blamed God ("The woman YOU put here...."). God then turned to Eve, who of course, blamed the serpent. Neither one wanted to take responsibility for their own actions. Why was that? Could it be because they wanted to still be accepted by God, and they believed that their failure or sin made them unacceptable or unworthy of God's love? Perhaps they felt that if someone else could be blamed, they'd be relieved of their guilt, or at least if everyone else was guilty too, then they wouldn't look so bad. We've all done it before......blamed someone else or pointed out someone else's shortcomings in an effort to make ourselves look better. When you get to the root of it, it all stems from our desire to be accepted.....a desire placed in each of us by God......a desire that can only be fulfilled by God. So in the long run, the very thing we do to try to gain acceptance only leaves us feeling more unacceptable & unworthy!
So then what is the answer? Well, there's good news! The Bible clearly states that Jesus bore the punishment we deserve for our sins (Isaiah 53:4-6; I John 4:9-11). He was our substitute. While God allows us to feel guilt & convicts us of our sins so that we turn to Him, once we acknowledge that we'ved sinned and confess our sins to Him, accepting Jesus as our substitute, we no longer have to feel shame (Ephesians 2:8-9; 1 John 1:9)! The sin, along with the guilt, has been removed! Once again, we can find complete acceptance & security in God! In addition, when we realize that we're completely loved & accepted by God, we are much more likely to love those around us.....building them up & encouraging them, rather than using their failures to try to meet our own needs.
As the story of Adam & Eve continues on, God allows them to experience the consequences (punishment) of their sin, but it's interesting that He then makes garments for them & clothes them. In other words, He punished them, forgave them, & continued to take care of them, covering their sin & shame (nakedness).
I don't know about you, but I am simply amazed by God's love for us!
When I read these verses, a couple things came to mind. First, it's interesting that earlier in scripture (Gen. 2:25), it states that Adam & Eve were both naked, but "felt no shame". However, the very second that they sinned, that they disobeyed God, they suddenly felt shame. That shame led them to hide (or separate) from God. Isn't that so true? When we know something is wrong, we tend to do our best to hide it, which in turn only hinders our relationships with God & others. Remember last week when I shared about being made in God's image & how our purpose is to be a reflection of God? Well, at the very instance mankind first sinned, that image was marred. And remember how God's will was for us to find complete security & acceptance through our relationship with Him? Well, at that same very instance, we not only became separated from God, but we began looking for our security in all the wrong places! After all, it's hard to find security in our relationship with God if we're shamefully hiding from Him!
This leads to my second point. When God questioned Adam, Adam not only blamed Eve, but in a round-about way, he blamed God ("The woman YOU put here...."). God then turned to Eve, who of course, blamed the serpent. Neither one wanted to take responsibility for their own actions. Why was that? Could it be because they wanted to still be accepted by God, and they believed that their failure or sin made them unacceptable or unworthy of God's love? Perhaps they felt that if someone else could be blamed, they'd be relieved of their guilt, or at least if everyone else was guilty too, then they wouldn't look so bad. We've all done it before......blamed someone else or pointed out someone else's shortcomings in an effort to make ourselves look better. When you get to the root of it, it all stems from our desire to be accepted.....a desire placed in each of us by God......a desire that can only be fulfilled by God. So in the long run, the very thing we do to try to gain acceptance only leaves us feeling more unacceptable & unworthy!
So then what is the answer? Well, there's good news! The Bible clearly states that Jesus bore the punishment we deserve for our sins (Isaiah 53:4-6; I John 4:9-11). He was our substitute. While God allows us to feel guilt & convicts us of our sins so that we turn to Him, once we acknowledge that we'ved sinned and confess our sins to Him, accepting Jesus as our substitute, we no longer have to feel shame (Ephesians 2:8-9; 1 John 1:9)! The sin, along with the guilt, has been removed! Once again, we can find complete acceptance & security in God! In addition, when we realize that we're completely loved & accepted by God, we are much more likely to love those around us.....building them up & encouraging them, rather than using their failures to try to meet our own needs.
As the story of Adam & Eve continues on, God allows them to experience the consequences (punishment) of their sin, but it's interesting that He then makes garments for them & clothes them. In other words, He punished them, forgave them, & continued to take care of them, covering their sin & shame (nakedness).
I don't know about you, but I am simply amazed by God's love for us!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Wildcard Wednesday: The Search for Signficance
I'm trying to do a litte more reading these days. I enjoy reading, especially non-fiction, information books, but I'm not very good at making the time to do it. But this last week I picked up a book that I've had for a while (and by a while, I mean at least a couple years!), but had never completely finished reading! I started over at the beginning and actually finished it this time. The book is called THE SEARCH FOR SIGNIFICANCE (by Robert . McGee), and it was spot on with what God has been doing in my heart lately! Isn't God's timing perfect?
This book talks about our God-given need for self-worth, for security, and for acceptance, and how we go about trying to fulfill those needs in all the wrong ways! All of our efforts only lead to more problems and hurt relationships. It even talks about how it can drive some of us to be perfectionists (ironic, since my post a couple weeks ago was about my struggle with perfectionism!). But the book doesn't leave you hanging; it also reveals how those needs are intended to be met : through our relationship with God (also ironic considering my recent study & post regarding how God's purpose for our lives is to have a relationship with Him!). So I encourage you, if you've ever struggled with insecurity or low self-worth, or if you've ever felt the need to win the approval and acceptance of those around you, or if you're a perfectionist like me and are afraid of failure, read this book! It's a great reminder of how loved we really are!!!
This book talks about our God-given need for self-worth, for security, and for acceptance, and how we go about trying to fulfill those needs in all the wrong ways! All of our efforts only lead to more problems and hurt relationships. It even talks about how it can drive some of us to be perfectionists (ironic, since my post a couple weeks ago was about my struggle with perfectionism!). But the book doesn't leave you hanging; it also reveals how those needs are intended to be met : through our relationship with God (also ironic considering my recent study & post regarding how God's purpose for our lives is to have a relationship with Him!). So I encourage you, if you've ever struggled with insecurity or low self-worth, or if you've ever felt the need to win the approval and acceptance of those around you, or if you're a perfectionist like me and are afraid of failure, read this book! It's a great reminder of how loved we really are!!!
Monday, January 31, 2011
More of Me Monday: The One Thing I'm Perfect At....
is being IMPERFECT. It's taken me almost 32 years to begin to realize that I'm human....okay, not really, but one thing I've struggled with throughout my life is PERFECTIONISM. Looking back, I can see I've been a perfectionist from the time I was a child. I mean, how many of you as a child cried when you got an A- on your report card? I did! In my little child eyes, it was too close to a B! And how many of you went to school even when you were sick because you wanted to have perfect attendance? I did! And I'm not just talking one year....how about Preschool through my Senior year?! (Don't worry....I've taken plenty of sick days since being in the working world).
Whether these perfectionist tendencies stem from being the oldest child or are just part of my personality or were passed down from parents (I won't mention any names, mom), or whether it's a combination of these, one thing I know is that there is no doubt that it has, and continues to, affect my life. While I used to think that being a perfectionist was the best way to be (after all it's helped me reach some high goals), in the last few years, I've begun to realize that it also has a negative side, that it's actually kept me from reaching some of my goals, and at times, from LIVING LIFE. You see, perfectionism has kept me from participating in many activities over the years because if I'm not confident that I'm good at something, I'd rather not do it at all. I couldn't bear to think that I might....do I dare say.... FAIL?! Or at least that's how I saw it. I couldn't bear to think that others might see that....I'M HUMAN. (Hmmm....my guess is that they already knew that).
Even as an adult, it has affected my life. For instance, after building our house a few years ago, I didn't want to have anyone over until our house was just perfect, so for a couple years, no one really got to see our brand new house! I mean, what would people think if I had a speck of dust on a shelf or if not every area was perfectly decorated? Well, they'd probably think that I'M HUMAN (if they even noticed those things!). I've now come to realize that there is no such thing as a "perfect house" and it will likely always be a WORK IN PROGRESS. And yes, we've had lots of people over in the last couple years.
Perfectionism has affected me in other ways, too. You've heard the saying, "If you can't do something right, don't do it at all," or is that "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"? Well, either way, I've taken it to a whole new level. If I can't do something perfectly (or what I view to be perfect), I don't do it at all! Makes sense to you, doesn't it? Okay, me neither, when I really stop to think about it. (And, by the way, RIGHT and PERFECT are not the same thing!)
Just to give you a few examples, if I don't have time to perfectly clean a room, I don't even start cleaning it. I guess really dirty is better than only half dirty? Not the most logical thinking! And I bet you'd think that since I'm such a perfectionist that I eat a perfect diet & exercise every day for the perfect amount of time with my heart at the perfect rate. Ha! Wrong! Instead, I tend to go through cycles of trying to do everything just right, but when I "fall off the wagon", I usually think that since I've already missed a workout or eaten something "bad", I've already ruined the day, or more often, the week, so I continue to eat "bad" or not workout until I decide to start over....which is usually either a Sunday or the beginning of a new month (because it has to be the perfect time). Now wouldn't it make more sense to just get back up & keep going so that I don't totally negate all the hard work I've already put in? After all, if you get a flat tire, what do you do? You fix it and keep driving (or at least put a spare on as a temporary fix 'til you can get to the root of the problem and get it taken care of). You don't say , "Well since I have one flat tire, I think I'll just poke holes in all my other tires, too!"
It even carries over to my Bible reading. For the last 3 years, I've wanted to read the Bible through in chronological order (the order in which the events actually happened) in one year. I even bought a one-year chronological Bible with daily readings a couple years ago. So every year I start out in January following my plan, but by February or March, I've usually missed a few days here and there, and because I feel like it's impossible to catch up, I just give up and decide I'll start over next January. Yes, this has happened for about 3 years now! Again, not very logical!
So this year when January rolled around, I did some thinking. I decided that I wanted to do things DIFFERENTLY....after all, you can't keep doing the same things the same way and expect different results. So this year, rather than making the same New Year's resolutions I seem to make every year, I decided that I need to work on changing my MINDSET. I need to change my ALL-OR-NOTHING thinking. I need to not let FEAR....fear of failure....fear of rejection....fear of imperfection...keep me from LIVING LIFE. In the past, my perfectionism has often paralyzed me & actually kept me from making progress. This year PROGRESS, not perfection, is my goal.
Over time, I've learned that perfectionism often comes from the need for APPROVAL and ACCEPTANCE....from myself and from others. While I know that I have a long way to go, my prayer is that this year God will begin to help me see things through His eyes... to see myself through His eyes and to see others through His eyes. If I begin to see myself through God's eyes, maybe, just maybe, I can begin to love & accept myself a little more....imperfections and all. After all, when the Bible speaks of loving your neighbor as yourself, it first assumes that you love yourself. It's virtually impossible to focus your efforts on truly loving & reaching out to others if you're consumed with winning their APPROVAL! Interestingly, as I was thinking about this, I realized that it's my friends who don't put on a "perfect" front, who are transparent, who can laugh at themselves...those are the friends who are the most endearing, who I most enjoy being around, who I can most relate to. Those are the friends who make me feel the most LOVED. Hmmm...could it be that my need to look perfect, my need for approval, actually does the opposite?
Now, don't get me wrong, I think that God very much wants us to always strive to be better, but my idea of better (or perfect) is very different from God's! So this year, my desire and prayer is that I am to God what my house is to me...a WORK IN PROGRESS.
Oh and by the way, in case you're wondering about that Bible reading thing. Well this year, I decided to go at my own pace....even if it takes two or three years. And guess what? I'm finding that I'm learning and growing so much more! Although some days I read a few chapters, other days God has so much to say to me through just a few verses that I don't make it past one chapter! Hmm...actually learning and growing (and PROGRESSING) from my time with God? Now that makes PERFECT sense!
Just a few scriptures that came to mind while I was writing this:
Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and PERFECT will.
Isaiah 55:8
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.
Isaiah 64:8
Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of you hand.
Romans 3:23
...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God...
Whether these perfectionist tendencies stem from being the oldest child or are just part of my personality or were passed down from parents (I won't mention any names, mom), or whether it's a combination of these, one thing I know is that there is no doubt that it has, and continues to, affect my life. While I used to think that being a perfectionist was the best way to be (after all it's helped me reach some high goals), in the last few years, I've begun to realize that it also has a negative side, that it's actually kept me from reaching some of my goals, and at times, from LIVING LIFE. You see, perfectionism has kept me from participating in many activities over the years because if I'm not confident that I'm good at something, I'd rather not do it at all. I couldn't bear to think that I might....do I dare say.... FAIL?! Or at least that's how I saw it. I couldn't bear to think that others might see that....I'M HUMAN. (Hmmm....my guess is that they already knew that).
Even as an adult, it has affected my life. For instance, after building our house a few years ago, I didn't want to have anyone over until our house was just perfect, so for a couple years, no one really got to see our brand new house! I mean, what would people think if I had a speck of dust on a shelf or if not every area was perfectly decorated? Well, they'd probably think that I'M HUMAN (if they even noticed those things!). I've now come to realize that there is no such thing as a "perfect house" and it will likely always be a WORK IN PROGRESS. And yes, we've had lots of people over in the last couple years.
Perfectionism has affected me in other ways, too. You've heard the saying, "If you can't do something right, don't do it at all," or is that "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"? Well, either way, I've taken it to a whole new level. If I can't do something perfectly (or what I view to be perfect), I don't do it at all! Makes sense to you, doesn't it? Okay, me neither, when I really stop to think about it. (And, by the way, RIGHT and PERFECT are not the same thing!)
Just to give you a few examples, if I don't have time to perfectly clean a room, I don't even start cleaning it. I guess really dirty is better than only half dirty? Not the most logical thinking! And I bet you'd think that since I'm such a perfectionist that I eat a perfect diet & exercise every day for the perfect amount of time with my heart at the perfect rate. Ha! Wrong! Instead, I tend to go through cycles of trying to do everything just right, but when I "fall off the wagon", I usually think that since I've already missed a workout or eaten something "bad", I've already ruined the day, or more often, the week, so I continue to eat "bad" or not workout until I decide to start over....which is usually either a Sunday or the beginning of a new month (because it has to be the perfect time). Now wouldn't it make more sense to just get back up & keep going so that I don't totally negate all the hard work I've already put in? After all, if you get a flat tire, what do you do? You fix it and keep driving (or at least put a spare on as a temporary fix 'til you can get to the root of the problem and get it taken care of). You don't say , "Well since I have one flat tire, I think I'll just poke holes in all my other tires, too!"
It even carries over to my Bible reading. For the last 3 years, I've wanted to read the Bible through in chronological order (the order in which the events actually happened) in one year. I even bought a one-year chronological Bible with daily readings a couple years ago. So every year I start out in January following my plan, but by February or March, I've usually missed a few days here and there, and because I feel like it's impossible to catch up, I just give up and decide I'll start over next January. Yes, this has happened for about 3 years now! Again, not very logical!
So this year when January rolled around, I did some thinking. I decided that I wanted to do things DIFFERENTLY....after all, you can't keep doing the same things the same way and expect different results. So this year, rather than making the same New Year's resolutions I seem to make every year, I decided that I need to work on changing my MINDSET. I need to change my ALL-OR-NOTHING thinking. I need to not let FEAR....fear of failure....fear of rejection....fear of imperfection...keep me from LIVING LIFE. In the past, my perfectionism has often paralyzed me & actually kept me from making progress. This year PROGRESS, not perfection, is my goal.
Over time, I've learned that perfectionism often comes from the need for APPROVAL and ACCEPTANCE....from myself and from others. While I know that I have a long way to go, my prayer is that this year God will begin to help me see things through His eyes... to see myself through His eyes and to see others through His eyes. If I begin to see myself through God's eyes, maybe, just maybe, I can begin to love & accept myself a little more....imperfections and all. After all, when the Bible speaks of loving your neighbor as yourself, it first assumes that you love yourself. It's virtually impossible to focus your efforts on truly loving & reaching out to others if you're consumed with winning their APPROVAL! Interestingly, as I was thinking about this, I realized that it's my friends who don't put on a "perfect" front, who are transparent, who can laugh at themselves...those are the friends who are the most endearing, who I most enjoy being around, who I can most relate to. Those are the friends who make me feel the most LOVED. Hmmm...could it be that my need to look perfect, my need for approval, actually does the opposite?
Now, don't get me wrong, I think that God very much wants us to always strive to be better, but my idea of better (or perfect) is very different from God's! So this year, my desire and prayer is that I am to God what my house is to me...a WORK IN PROGRESS.
Oh and by the way, in case you're wondering about that Bible reading thing. Well this year, I decided to go at my own pace....even if it takes two or three years. And guess what? I'm finding that I'm learning and growing so much more! Although some days I read a few chapters, other days God has so much to say to me through just a few verses that I don't make it past one chapter! Hmm...actually learning and growing (and PROGRESSING) from my time with God? Now that makes PERFECT sense!
Just a few scriptures that came to mind while I was writing this:
Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and PERFECT will.
Isaiah 55:8
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.
Isaiah 64:8
Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of you hand.
Romans 3:23
...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God...
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